Fighting

I'm sorry I'm not better at this whole blogging thing. Life gets in my way, and I forget to take the time to sit down at our computer (yes, we still have an old desktop PC) and type. Lately, my life has been filled with pain, literally. You see, on Monday, January 10, while watching the most awesome team in college football history play the most awesome game in college football history, I managed to injure myself. This probably doesn't surprise most of you. As you probably know, I have a long history of unusual injuries. Anyway, it was the very end of the game when Michael Dyer ran the ball back for what we all thought was a touchdown. I jumped up off the couch cheering. I jumped up and down a few times, and then "POP!!!" and down I went. My knee popped and immediately swelled. With the adrenaline of the game, I didn't have too much pain initially. After a few hours it hurt so badly I could not sleep. Long story short, I've torn my ACL and have a couple of tibial fractures. When I do something, I do it all out. I am now waiting for the fractures to heal and start rehab in a few days. Then it's back to the doctor on January 28 to decide if I have to have surgery.

It seems as though this injury came in God's perfect timing. (Don't all things come that way?) You see, we are in the middle of  a sermon series at church called "Five for the Fight." You can learn more about it www.five4thefight.com or better yet, come to church tomorrow. We're learning five scriptures to help us with our daily spiritual fights. My fight has been my worry and wonderful ability to throw an amazing pity party. I haven't had what a lot of people would call an easy life, as an adult I mean. Our family faces many struggles, as do most of you probably. Well, I try not to dwell on that, but it seems like every time something good happens, something bad also does (like Auburn winning and me blowing out my knee!). Through this series, Pastor Rod has taught me that I shouldn't dwell on that. I should continue to fight. I can't let my circumstances get me down when I have so much to live for, especially my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

The scripture verses have ministered to me so much. We recite them each week and get a little prize. Even the kids get to recite them for prizes. Cate is doing so well and really loves doing it. At the end, there is going to be some big surprise. I can't wait to see what it is. I wish you all could hear the sound of my beautiful 3 (almost 4!) year old daughter's voice saying, "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still. Exodus 14:14." That's this week's verse. She has learned three verses over the last three weeks and remembers them all. If it takes a blown out knee for me to regain perspective and see that there is so much good in my life, then I'll deal with it. I'm so grateful for our church home and the people in our life who love us so much. God is good! And I will keep on fighting!

A more recent photo of our family, from Will's graduation at The Little Light House, May 2010.

The Most Amazing Gift

We began attending First Assembly of God North Little Rock the first Sunday after we moved to town back in June. We had visited it twice before moving - once with just me and Will, and another time with the whole family, even my parents. I was so impressed by the beautiful children's building, the gigantic sanctuary, and all the technology. I was also impressed by how friendly everyone there seemed to be. They had this really awesome special needs kids ministry called COOL kids, so we thought we'd give it a shot. Plus, we kind of knew someone there (her uncle was a pastor at our church in Tulsa). Anyway, I had no idea when we went on our first Sunday six months ago how much this place would mean to us and how awesome it would really be. 
We've quickly made friends with several couples in our Sunday school class. Will absolutely loves COOL Kids and goes every Sunday and Wednesday. Cate has the best time at Sunday school "praisin' the Lord" and learning about Jesus. She also goes to Mother's Day Out two days a week and has made some wonderful little friends. The music is awesome! The pastor is a wonderful man of God who isn't afraid to preach God's word. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though it was hard for us to leave Woodlake Church in Tulsa, God put us in the perfect place. We really feel like this is our church home and that these people are our family. 
As I said, we loved our time at Woodlake in Tulsa, and we treasure the friendships we made there. We wouldn't trade that time for anything. But, as God moves in our lives, we must too move on for the next part of His plan for our lives. 
Anyway, with the exception of my family, I've never felt like people cared so much about what we go through with Will as the people at First Assembly NLR do. They really care about him. They make time for him, talk to him like he's a normal kid, play with him, and include him. It's so nice to see him included. It doesn't usually happen. They care about us as a couple and a family. They make an effort to provide care for Will if there is something the church is having or to watch him for us so we can enjoy things too. 
Yesterday was Family Christmas at church. I have learned why everyone says it's their favorite service. Pastor Rod and the pastoral staff and their families read through the Christmas story. As they do, Pastor Rod stops the story to give gifts to individuals and families in the church. I'd heard about this. In years past, they've given away a car, tuition to Bible college, a high school diploma for an older lady who never got it, some pretty amazing things. Well, this Sunday we were sitting in the sanctuary enjoying the service, when all of the sudden we were called up on stage. Pastor Rod talked about our family, about how much it meant to us that Will had a place to belong at church. He even talked about what Angelman Syndrome is and how it affects our daily lives. Then, he gave it to us...an all-expense paid trip to San Antonio to Morgan's Wonderland, an amusement park just for special needs kids. It didn't stop there. He knows how much Will loves the water and how frightening it can be to take him to a public pool because he'd just jump in, and he doesn't know how to swim. Well, he told us that May 23, 2011, is going to be the first Will Saunders Day at Wild River Country, the local water park. It's going to be closed to the general public and open only to our family and other families with special needs children from around central Arkansas. And, it's free! Can you believe it?!? I've never felt so loved by people who we really don't even know that well yet. Will gets excluded from things a lot, and they made it their purpose to include him in this. It was all about him. It's never been all about him. This is amazing! Most parents take it for granted that they can take their kids to an amusement park or water park, but it's something I never thought we'd be able to do. Now, thanks to the generosity and love of our new church family, we will. 
I've known since we moved here that God put us here. He's directed our path the entire way and made for a wonderfully smooth transition. I just didn't expect this. It just goes to show that when you follow God's will for your life, every now and again you get the most amazing gifts!
Thank you First Assembly NLR! I'll never be able to say it enough...thank you!

Holy Roller(coaster)

I know it has been a long time since I last posted, and I'm sorry for that. Life has been insane lately. Sometimes it feels like I'm on a roller coaster and can't get off. Hence the name of this post. Let me tell you what I mean. 

For the first few months of my fellowship, things weren't that busy. I hadn't started having to write notes (which can take quite a while, especially for a new patient) or go to many meetings. I wasn't having lots of outside projects to work on, etc. Life was good. I worked my 7-8 hours and went home, spent time with my family, and enjoyed life. Now, I am writing notes, having presentations every few weeks, have a journal article to write, have to go on an overnight outreach clinic, have business meetings, and the list goes on and on. My days are no longer my own. Please don't get me wrong, I am still absolutely in love with my job. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I just wish I could have used all that free time I had a few months ago to do some of the stuff I have to do now. Too bad none of these things were around back then to work on. 

The first few months of my fellowship were like the part on the roller coaster right as you get to the top of the hill. Not too fast. Not too uncomfortable. Just pleasant and fun. These last two months have been like the downward plunge the car takes as you speed down the hill. Too fast. You can't take time to enjoy anything because life is rushing past you. Some people love that sensation, the rush of the speed. I, however, do not. God did not give me that kind of personality. And as I currently speed down the hill of the roller coaster, He reminds me that He is in control of it and that He will not allow me to get hurt. It's not some guy with a mullet, three teeth, and an "I LOVE MOM" tattoo handling the switch of the coaster; it's my almighty Father, who loves me more than I can ever imagine. At the bottom of the hill is the hardest part. You're down as low as you can get. Then you face the hard and tedious task of climbing back up to the top of the hill where you get that moment of peace, enjoyment, and splendor, just before life slings you back down to the valley. As I face these ups and downs, I must remind myself I'm not the only one. Everyone is on their own roller coaster. Some just get to spend more time at the top. I like to think that the times I'm spending in the valley right now are preparing me for a glorious day at the top very soon. 

Pastor Rod has been preaching a series on giants. Last week he asked us to write down the giant in our life. At first, I thought mine was food. I need to lose weight, and it seemed like an obvious thing to choose. But as I sit here and type this, it's becoming painfully obvious to me that I've been blind to my real giant all along. My giant is worry. I worry about everything. Just read what I typed above. I worry about work. Will I get my reports done? How am I going to get this presentation finished on time? I worry about money and my family. What's going to happen with Will? How will we pay for stuff the kids need? How am I going to pay all of the bills? How am I going to.....I've got to stop. I've got to face my giant. Pastor Rod said today, "There will never be a better day to face your giant than today." I think if I can face this giant and defeat it, that my life will be much more manageable and enjoyable. I worry so much about everyone and everything that I don't worry about me. I hope that learning to face this giant, to kick it's butt, will help me get my life back into the proper prospective so that I can be a better witness and do more for Him. 

Would pray that with me? Would you be willing to pray that I can face this giant of worry and kick it's sorry butt right into the ground? I'm going to stop worrying about where I am on this roller coaster of a life and try to enjoy the ride. I hope you will too. 

Living By Faith

I just finished reading my best friend's blog. She is one of the most amazing people I've ever known. You see, she and her family (husband and three daughters) are foreign missionaries. They are getting ready to head to the other side of the globe, live in the jungle, and sacrifice all of life's luxuries so that the tribal people there can know the Lord. It makes me wonder if I'd be willing to do the same thing. I like to think so, but when it really came down to it, would I be willing to leave my wonderful life here in the States and go live in a mud hut somewhere in order to bring the Gospel to a lost people? 
Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. I'm doing what she's doing. Well, not literally what she's doing, but what she's doing. God's will for her life is to serve Him as a foreign missionary. God's will for my life is being a doctor. I joke that I'm glad God's will for my life wasn't to move far far away and live in the jungle, but the truth is, this life isn't always easy either. God calls us to be life-long followers of Him, and that's not always easy. I think one of the many reasons for this is that it allows us to relate to people who don't know Him on a personal level. If being a life-long follower of Christ were super easy, how would we be able to say, "I understand what you're going through" or "I know how you feel."? The world would say, "No you don't! Your life is super easy!" Going through hard times allows us to  truly know what they're going through and use that as a way to minister and witness to them.
Living in the center of God's will also shows us the power of living by faith. That is certainly no easy task. I mean, think about it. Wouldn't it be much easier just to keep my tithe check and use that money to pay my bills? I'm sure a lot of people think, "She'd have plenty of money if she didn't give so much away. " Well, the truth is, I still wouldn't have enough even if I kept every penny. But, God didn't call me to make money and keep it all for myself. It isn't even truly my money. It's His. He deserves my willingness to give it back to Him, and that's what tithing is. There are also people who live on even less money than I do and could use it more than me. There are people in this world who don't have Bibles, and if I can go without one fast food dinner to provide them with one, then it's totally worth it (and my waistline will thank me!). 
Living by faith isn't only about money though. It's about all aspects of your life. It's about moving half-way across the country just a few months after you get married to go to medical school. It's about getting pregnant 9 months after you get married (when you certainly weren't trying to) and trusting Him that this is all in His plan. It's about staying in a city 12 hours from your family to do residency when you have two children, one with special needs. It's about Him putting us in that city in order to attend an awesome church with a priceless church family whom I miss every day and for Will to attend the greatest developmental preschool on the planet. It's about being given the honor of raising a special needs child so that I can minister to the hurting parents of other special needs children every day in my practice. It's about knowing that when my best friend moves far far away in a few months, that she'll be okay and that even though I'll miss her dearly, our friendship will not fail because we can't talk every day. It's about knowing that God puts each of us where we are for a specific purpose, a great purpose. 
I feel honored to know her. She ministers to me in ways she'll probably never know. Her example of living by faith helps me know that I can do it too. I hope that I can be half the witness and example she is and that my life will bless someone else the way she has blessed mine. I love you J!

$6000

Every Sunday it seems as though God confirms that First Assembly NLR is where He wants us to be. It's like Pastor Rod's sermons are written just for me and that I'm the only one in the sanctuary. Today he started a series called "Shipwrecked." Our worship leader does a great job pairing worship songs and hymns with the theme of the sermon. Today we sang a song called "In Christ Alone." It's one of my favorites and always gives me goosebumps. As we sang this morning, this lady kept coming into my thougts. It was the lady who has been assigned our case at social security regarding the supposed overpayment they made to us on Will's SSI. I spent three days this week talking with her, worrying about it all, and wondering "Why me?" I've been angry and fretful. I've felt abused by "the system" and frustrated with it all. But, this morning, God had it in His plans for me to see this situation in a completely different light. 
Just for a little background, I'll explain the situation with social security. Will started receiving SSI checks in 2006 because he is disabled and we were poor. At some point, social security overpaid us, but I didn't know this. I found out when we got a letter saying we owed something like $5600. Well, I applied for waiver based on financial hardship, and they waived $1999. They then proceeded to take another $675 out of his monthly checks until we stopped getting SSI in the spring (because I make "too much money" as a resident/fellow!). That left us with just over $2900 still to repay. Well, then we get another letter saying they'd overpaid us again. This time it was $3000. Social security is trying to say it's my fault, but I notified them of my pay increase. Anyway, now the total they're saying we have to repay is just over $6000. Now, back to the good stuff...
A particular line from the song caught my attention that hadn't ever before. "No power of hell, no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand." Think about it. That means that no matter what kind of storm you're going through, no matter who is being hateful or how hateful they're being, no matter what - God has you in the palm of His hand. No one and nothing can touch you if you remain in Him. I just kept thinking about this situation with social security. He was telling me that it didn't matter. It doesn't matter how crapy our country's system is or how much money I may or may not have to pay back.  All that matters is that I'll be victorious through Him. 
Then He said something else. He said, "Isn't this lady's life worth $6000?" I was like, wow! I never thought about it like that. It never even crossed my mind that I might be going through this storm in order to reach a lost or needy soul for Him. All I could think about was me. How selfish is that? As followers of Christ we are called to be selfless and to follow Him, and here I was worrying about me. I don't know if this lady is saved or not. I don't know what she's going through. It could be something even more difficult than what I'm facing. I now know that whatever comes of this situation, what I say and how I act could affect her eternity. After thinking about this lady, I was able to anwer Him, "Yes. Her life is worth just as much as mine. And He paid the ultimate sacrifice for me." So, if I'm called to have to pay $6000 in order to reach someone for the kingdom, then so be it. 
Selfishly, I'm hoping that God will use me to reach her and that He'll allow social security to grant the waiver. But, no matter what, I'm praying that I can have a good attitude, speak lovingly, and make a difference in this lady's life. Please pray with me. Listen to this song (click the link below. It's a little hard to see.), and have an open heart for what He might be saying to you. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENtL_li4GbE

Cate Vs. the Potty

Cate is going on three and a half years old, and she refuses to potty train. We've tried every method known to man: "Potty training in one day," letting her run around without pants on all weekend, scheduled potty sits, bribery, sticker charts...you name it and we've tried it. I have thought since the beginning of these efforts that her refusal had a lot to do with the fact that her older brother, whom she loves and looks up to, isn't potty trained either. She is still too young to really understand that her big brother isn't "normal" and that typically developing six year old children are potty trained. I've tried explaining that to her on a three year old level, but she just doesn't seem to get it. I've mentioned this to some of my friends in the psychology field, and they agree. They also say that she's the baby and may feel like this is her last baby thing to hold on to. Another suggested that she may feel like the time we spend changing Will is special time just for him and that she feels like she's getting robbed of special time by having to use the bathroom. 

It's very frustrating as a mom, and especially as a developmental pediatrician, not to be able to potty train your child. A lot of people look at your ability to potty train your child as an index of how good a parent you are and how smart your child is. I've come to believe that neither of these things are true. Some kids are easier than others to train. And some kids have extenuating circumstances that prolong their training - like having an older brother who is disabled and not trained. I guess I just want those moms (and dads and grandparents and...) who had kids who were super easy to train not to look down on moms who are still working with their kids after the expected age of training. (By the way, three and a half is still considered to be within normal limits for potty training.) Anyway, enough of my preaching and back to the story. 

Cate started preschool last week at our church. She's going two days a week and absolutely loves it. She is in the three year old room, so I'm hoping she's being exposed to lots of kids using the potty. They requested that we send her in pull-ups rather than diapers so she can practice pulling them up and down more easily. I thought, "Sure! I'll do just about anything if you'll help with potty training." So, we changed to pull-ups about two or three weeks ago. The last time we tried this Cate freaked out. This time it was a breeze. She especially likes them because they're pink and have Disney princesses on them. 

Anyway, since she tolerated that well, we've moved on to schedules potty sits. We started Monday with sitting on the potty every 45 minutes. She screamed and cried and screamed and cried! But, she did sit there. She never went in the potty that day, but by the end of the night, she had stopped crying! I give her one piece from a pack of fruit snacks for the initial sit, one piece half-way through (after about two and a half minutes) and a final piece at the end of five minutes. Then she stands up, flushes the potty, and washes her  hands. By the end of last night, she was pulling her pants down by herself! So, no actually going in the potty yet, but definite progress. I count this as potty 1, Cate 0! 

Please pray that she'll continue to progress and maybe even go in the potty soon. It would simplify our lives in more than one way, and any of you who have kids know that the simpler life is the better. I hope to have some more exciting news from the potty front soon!