I know it has been a long time since I last posted, and I'm sorry for that. Life has been insane lately. Sometimes it feels like I'm on a roller coaster and can't get off. Hence the name of this post. Let me tell you what I mean.
For the first few months of my fellowship, things weren't that busy. I hadn't started having to write notes (which can take quite a while, especially for a new patient) or go to many meetings. I wasn't having lots of outside projects to work on, etc. Life was good. I worked my 7-8 hours and went home, spent time with my family, and enjoyed life. Now, I am writing notes, having presentations every few weeks, have a journal article to write, have to go on an overnight outreach clinic, have business meetings, and the list goes on and on. My days are no longer my own. Please don't get me wrong, I am still absolutely in love with my job. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I just wish I could have used all that free time I had a few months ago to do some of the stuff I have to do now. Too bad none of these things were around back then to work on.
The first few months of my fellowship were like the part on the roller coaster right as you get to the top of the hill. Not too fast. Not too uncomfortable. Just pleasant and fun. These last two months have been like the downward plunge the car takes as you speed down the hill. Too fast. You can't take time to enjoy anything because life is rushing past you. Some people love that sensation, the rush of the speed. I, however, do not. God did not give me that kind of personality. And as I currently speed down the hill of the roller coaster, He reminds me that He is in control of it and that He will not allow me to get hurt. It's not some guy with a mullet, three teeth, and an "I LOVE MOM" tattoo handling the switch of the coaster; it's my almighty Father, who loves me more than I can ever imagine. At the bottom of the hill is the hardest part. You're down as low as you can get. Then you face the hard and tedious task of climbing back up to the top of the hill where you get that moment of peace, enjoyment, and splendor, just before life slings you back down to the valley. As I face these ups and downs, I must remind myself I'm not the only one. Everyone is on their own roller coaster. Some just get to spend more time at the top. I like to think that the times I'm spending in the valley right now are preparing me for a glorious day at the top very soon.
Pastor Rod has been preaching a series on giants. Last week he asked us to write down the giant in our life. At first, I thought mine was food. I need to lose weight, and it seemed like an obvious thing to choose. But as I sit here and type this, it's becoming painfully obvious to me that I've been blind to my real giant all along. My giant is worry. I worry about everything. Just read what I typed above. I worry about work. Will I get my reports done? How am I going to get this presentation finished on time? I worry about money and my family. What's going to happen with Will? How will we pay for stuff the kids need? How am I going to pay all of the bills? How am I going to.....I've got to stop. I've got to face my giant. Pastor Rod said today, "There will never be a better day to face your giant than today." I think if I can face this giant and defeat it, that my life will be much more manageable and enjoyable. I worry so much about everyone and everything that I don't worry about me. I hope that learning to face this giant, to kick it's butt, will help me get my life back into the proper prospective so that I can be a better witness and do more for Him.
Would pray that with me? Would you be willing to pray that I can face this giant of worry and kick it's sorry butt right into the ground? I'm going to stop worrying about where I am on this roller coaster of a life and try to enjoy the ride. I hope you will too.
